My State of the Union Address

More often than not it seems that people can be pretty emotional when it comes to politics. Most of the time the heart wins out and reason gives ways to sentiment. That’s why I tend to stay away from political discussions. We’re all just trying to change each other’s minds when the mind has already been made up. This may be one of the few non-political commentaries on President Bush’s State of the Union Address that you'll come across today. Besides, there are enough people out there discussing the rights and the lefts of it all.

I come from a family that tends to look for the humorous side in just about everything. About a decade ago my dad’s twin brother had a very serious brain surgery (as most brain surgeries are). Uncle Harold had a tumor located on his brain stem. Of course we were all worried and anxious and stressed. But our faith and our sense of humor got us through. There were the jokes about how we were now sure that Harold actually had a brain. Eric & Katrina gave their dad a Nerf football shaped like a brain. There may have been more laughs than tears during that stressful time in our family. I could share many stories of the way we Coomers have used humor to soothe an otherwise painful situation. I’ll save them for other times. Now back to the State of the Union....

I know it’s always about serious business. But I can’t help but having some funny thoughts during the President's speech. Here are a few from last night.

1. There was a dog there. Awesome. There should always be a dog at the State of Union address.


2. This one is not so much funny as just a “GREAT DAY IN THE MORNING!” (as my Grandma was known to say). It was this part: "Tonight I ask you to pass legislation to prohibit the most egregious abuses of medical research: human cloning in all its forms, creating or implanting embryos for experiments, creating human-animal hybrids and buying, selling or patenting human embryos," Wait a minute! Wait a minute! Back that thing up! “Human-animal hybrids”????? Are you kidding me? What in the world? Ewwwww, gross. Are you serious? People want to do that? Have they not watched that Marlon Brando/Val Kilmer movie The Island of Dr. Moreau some late night when there was nothing else on tv????? If you’re some kind of whack job, er, I mean scientist who wants to cross a man with a giraffe to get make a better basketball player may I suggest that you make the viewing of that movie or the reading of the HG Well’s novel part of your research. A very key part of your research.


3. W. also talked about alternative sources of fuel. By-the-by, the IRL has plans to switch from methanol to ethanol within the next few seasons. I say good for all those Hoosier corn farmers! Bush mentioned something else I’ve never heard of: We'll also fund additional research in cutting-edge methods of producing ethanol, not just from corn, but from wood chips and stalks, or switch grass. Switch grass? I’ve never heard of that. I’m going to assume that other people aren’t’ familiar with that name either. Like the elected officials representing me might not have heard of it either. So I like to pretend that this exchange occurred:

Lamar Alexander: Hey Doc, do we have Switch Grass in Tennessee?
Bill Frist: Darn it Lamar! I’m a surgeon not an agriculturalist.
(This one is a little lame. But still...made me laugh).


4. Okay, this is the only somewhat political statement I’m going to make. I wish that sneering, rolling of the eyes, and smug expressions while in the eyesight of the president while you’re being broadcast on every national network in the country was grounds for the Secret Service to take you down. Not like with guns or anything. Just a good old fashioned tackle.


5. Finally, I think it would be dandy to end all of that partisan standing up and down with a rousing rendition of Praise Ye the Lord (Alleluia) lead by Dick Cheney.

Republicans: Allelu, allelu, allelu, alleluia!
OKAY, NOW THE DEMORCRATS!
Democrats: Praise ye the Lord!