antm 7: episode 3

This episode opens with the “beautiful girls that stand before Tyra” sliding down their mattresses on the stairs. FUN! I am immediately envious. When we lived in the Louisville Highlands when I was little my brother and I would slide down the stairs on pillows. This made my mother very nervous. At Ms. J’s tutorial, he’s wearing leggings and a tutu by-the-way, the girls take turns walking across a tight rope. One of the twins (again I don’t know which) said she and her sister have issues with their feet and the other one is “flat feeted”. And they took issue with Danielle’s Southern accent last cycle? Melrose rocks the tight rope. Which twists a knot in Monique’s tail. “Melrose just acts like she’s so perfect and she’s just not.” To paraphrase our dear friend Jade, “This is not America’s Next Top Fifth Grader.”

Later that evening we get yet another glimpse into Monique’s madness when she rubs her worn panties on her nemesis’s bed while she's laying in it. Ick.

PHOTO SHOOTMost of the episode was kind of blah until the photo shoot which took place at a fashion show. The girls worked it down a wobbly floating runway in a pool. At the end of the runway they posed for the camera. It looked just plan hard. I know that if required to do this challenge I would have ended up ruining a designer frock by belly flopping my way into the pool.AJ and Melrose worked it out. Most of the girls were a mess. Eugena kinda sorta fell in the pool. And Monique didn’t have a photo because she was “sick”. The night before Monique was taken to the hospital and was told she was dehydrated. Now, I don’t mean to seem insensitive but I really don’t understand how people become dehydrated. If they were stranded on an island surrounded only by salt water (even though years ago I saw on 3,2,1 Contact how one could gather drinking water using the process of condensation and osmosis if one were to find oneself in such a predicament) or lost in a desert I would get it. But seriously, how do you become dehydrated? Water. You know, that wet stuff that comes out of faucets and even the sky? The bottled variety has become a multi-million dollar industry. Water. So, Monique elected to not participate in the photo shoot and went home to sleep and probably not drink water.

JUDGING
Once again I am struck by just how durn cute Brooke is. Yet she doesn’t come across all cutesy in her photos. CariDee’s photo was probably my favorite.During deliberation Ms. J went into a gospel number and Tyra joined in (and by joined in I mean took over the song and hogged it like nobody bidness). And that may have been one of my favorite ANTM moments ever. EVER.Eugena and Monique are in the bottom two.

Tyra held Eugena’s picture “in her hands” (Cue gospel soundtrack, "Tyra got the pho-tos in her hands. She got the pho-tos in her hands. She got the pho-tos in her hands. She got the beautiful girls’ photos in her hands".)

Monique’s departing words?
“Melrose is gonna have a freakin’ party. She’ll probably bust out ‘sealabration’ hats and horns and stuff. That’s the part that really just sucks. ‘Cause I don’t want to give her the satisfaction of me leaving.”

So, your chances of becoming America’s Next Top Model are blown to smithereens and you’re stuck on what Melrose is gonna think? Pack your bags, Mo. The school bus back to fifth grade is waiting outside.

“This whole time here was honestly a waste. That’s all I have to say. Farewell.”

Farewell Monique. Farewell.