If I had the chance I'd ask the world to dance And I'll be dancing with myself...

When ABC was in the initial advertising stage of the first season of Dancing with the Stars my original reaction was, “that is going to be really really stupid.” Then I thought of the times I’ve stopped on a random cable program showcasing ballroom dancing. I remembered how I sat mesmerized & unable to operate my remote control. So I had to see if DWTS would be a total disaster when I secretly suspected that I would love it.

And I loved it.

I watched it every week. BFF BeLinda and I would have long distance phone conversations during DWTS in which we’d discuss Kelly Monaco’s slutty glitzy dancer outfits. We confer over professional dancer Ashly DelGrosso’s obvious crush on Joey McIntire and how we appreciated her unrequited position & pain.

In this new season of DWTS we’ve uncomfortably watched our Little Sister Ashly be paired with “Afraid to Appear Un-cool... ‘Hey, I gotta be me.... I’m doing this for NOLA’” Hip-Hop “Mogul” Master P./P. Miller. The man refuses to wear ballroom shoes. Says he will only were his “lucky” P. Miller line basketball shoes. You listen here Mr. P! You’re a doody head and you better get it together and start treating Lil Sis A.D.G. with some respect and courtesy or we’re going to take you down! Down all the way to Chinatown buddy! We may not know what to do with you when we get there. But we'll drop you off without a map or bus fare!

Last night “P” at least did something that somewhat resembled somethign akin to dancing. He's moved beyond just walking around the floor while Lil Sis worked her booty off. Still I think my & BFF’s friends, The Butler Brothers, could have done a better job and they still can’t do the Salty Dog Rag after decades of practice. As BFF best said it last night (via text message) Master P. looks like an 8th grade boy forced to do a polka in gym class. Furthermore, BeLinda emailed me this today....

a few thoughts to Master P
Change the shoes buddy. They aren't actually cool and it pisses off the
Judges. If I were the "Hood" I would be demanding better representation.
How again is this inspiring to the victims of Katrina?
Okay, let me share this little story and see if it doesn't give you a better
idea of how "cool" works. Say Hollywood calls me tomorrow and they
have this amazing idea to do a show called "Acting with Housewives" and I
have been chosen to work with Matthew McConnehey for the next twelve weeks but the catch is he is a farmer and I am his prized cow that he is trying to save so
I will be wearing bells and an udder. I would say "MOO!" sign me up. Because
I know I am already that cool and I don't need a weird hat and Frankenstein
looking shoes to assure me that I am cool enough. You see (cue music) cool
comes from just knowing it. Not putting it on and trying to act it.

I will give you a moment to regain your composure, Jennifer, as the whole cow thing probably has you a bit disturbed right now. Blog me Baby!!

There are some stars that are very enjoyable to watch: Jerry Rice, Stacy Keibler (who?), Drew Lachey (Boy band boys can tear it up), and Giselle Fernandez (what?). I also like Tia Carrere & Tatum O'Neal (I read Paper Moon...I'm rooting for you little darlin'!). Then their are the people that are interesting just because of their odd physical...um....okay....Lisa Rinna has stupid lips. It's like she has pool fl0aties for lips. From now on here-to-fore be-est knoweth that Lisa Rinna is dubbed PLFL. With people like her...you want them to go home so the people you do like can stay. Yet you want to watch the creature in order to understand it.